Perspectives from a self-deprecating misanthrope.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Sharing is Caring

Have a clever thought?  Tell your ten Facebook friends, or seven Twitter followers.  Or blog about it to your fifteen followers (thanks, I guess).

Whatever you end up doing, it's always regarded as sharing.  And it's with this thought that I've recently come to the realization I'm not an e-crack dealer...I'm an every day, run of the mill, narcissistic asshole.  It's me who needs you.  You're my crack.  I'm the e-whore who e-sucks e-dick for e-validation.

You want an EJ brah?  Two comments please.

"Wow that's all?!"

I know right...I'm so reasonable I'm almost not the exact same thing as a 20 year old girl who tells her friends how fat she is so she can hear them tell her how pretty and skinny she is.

God my blog sucks.

"Oh my god, like...your writing is sooo good.  I love how you are like ten times the blogger I am even though you only have like, four blogs."

Thanks, I guess.  Now I know how awesome I am and you haven't positively reinforced a the most annoying, attention seeking behavior in the world.

God my blog sucks.

"Oh my god, like................shut the fuck up!"

PLEASE LOVE MY BLOGGING!  I'm like an altruistic, compulsive sharer.  Can't you see how much I sacrifice for you?  I mean...isn't it obvious that I'm not completely egocentric?  That I do this for you?  If you don't know all the minutia of my day how are you supposed to remind me how cool I am, even though I'm a confident, self-reliant individual.

Clearly, I'm not rationalizing a behavior that even I realize is destructive.  I can't help it if everybody around me loves me so much they just want to be me.  It's not like I hate myself.  I'm in love with myself.  Wait...what's that?  You have the greatest boyfriend in the world and you couldn't be happier?  You don't know where you'd be in life without your idol Jesus?  Your puppy is sooooooooooo funny?  You're getting a nice base tan before your two week cruise in Mexico?

Thanks for sharing.  You're fucking awesome!

6 comments:

  1. Great post! I know how you feel. I'm the same way...always have been.

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  2. You can share as many beautiful Jewish women as you like and I won't complain. :)

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  3. I feel ya bro! I feel awesome every day, but it can lead to a feeling of being Helmholtz Watson ;)

    Even if you read it, I know you forgot him! Everyone does! So google it!

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  4. No way, I love ya blogging! I'm following! Check out my blog at: alphabetalife.blogspot.com

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Be genuine. :)